LETTER to GOD
From: The Dog
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? How can they get to know one another?
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God:
Why do you have cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around in a car? We dogs do love a nice car ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the “Chrysler Beagle”?
Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it, or after they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way these dead things smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
- The garbage collector is not actually stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- When the officer reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration, I will not bit his hand
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
- I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house --- not after.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
- When we have company, I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
- The cat is not a “squeaky toy”, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, my last question:
Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments
But dogs have 16?
PS Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Please?
